Do you have a child who challenges you constantly? If you say it’s blue, they say it’s green. If you say up, they say down. They get angry at things others don’t. They’re always challenging people, especially those in authority. Your child may have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).
ODD is a behavioral disorder in children characterized by a clinically significant level of negative, disobedient and defiant behavior. They may have signs of anxiety, frequent and severe tantrums, be manipulative, and be repetitively defiant toward those in authority.
Here are a few tips for engaging with your child:
- Be consistent
Children with ODD hope to engage their parents in a battle of the wills. Explain, in as few words as possible, your position, then refuse to discuss it any further. If you engage in a back-and-forth argument with a defiant child, you give the child the power to control the exchange.
- Celebrate their successes
Children with ODD have trouble regulating their emotions. Reinforce positive behavior. When they manage their behavior for a longer than usual period, reward them with dinner at a favorite restaurant or another family fun activity. Let them know you appreciate their efforts.
- Create a safe reset place
Children with ODD can learn to recognize when they’re feeling overwhelmed and getting ready to challenge or defy. Give them a safe place to calm down and rethink their choices. This may be in another room or outside. Have a place for you to do this as well. A dysregulated adult cannot regulate a dysregulated child, so be sure to take care of your self-care as well.
- Create a structured environment
It’s no secret when children are well rested, physically fit, and get sufficient nutrition, they are better able to regulate their emotions. A structured, healthy home and lifestyle will not only benefit a child with ODD but your entire family.
Pray for your child:
“Lord, teach me patience and consistency as I parent my child with ODD. Give me peace and calm when a stressful situation occurs. Soften my heart when I get frustrated with my child and allow us to work through struggles together. May they always know I’m here for them. Give me words that are encouraging and positive so they can see themselves through your eyes. In Jesus name, Amen.”
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Author
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Amy Kendall was the Next Gen Disabilities and Mental Health Pastor at Saddleback Church and was on staff from 2007-2024. Before working at Saddleback, she worked for 10 years in the educational sector as a behavior specialist, specializing with children on the autism spectrum. Amy graduated from Pacific Christian College with her BA in Ministry and from Hope International University with her MA in Marriage, Family, Child Counseling. Amy was recently on the board of the Disability Ministry Conference as their vice president and speaks often in regards to disability ministry. Amy also has a teenage son with multiple disabilities and mental health struggles, and she believes that she is a better pastor because she gets the blessing to be his mom.
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